I hate them. I have had them since I was in high school. I hated them then and I really hate them now. I have special sympathy for people who get headaches. They can be debilitating. Migraines are not my friend.
Watching Ava take on the headaches and beat them down hit home for me tonight. I ended today with a headache like I never had before. It was the absolute worst headache in my entire head hurting career (which is long and storied). I was minutes from heading to the hospital (In all the years of migraines I have never even thought about going to the hospital) to get something to make it stop before I began to feel it let up ever so slightly. So, I waited it out and am ok now. But, I couldn't stop thinking about Ava as I vomited from the pain and walked around the house with my eyes closed to keep all light out and not sit still. I just kept thinking..."how in the heck did she do this?" My respect and admiration grew with each passing minute. Ava is a special kid with a unique capacity to bear pain. Her tolerance is so high that Lisa and I really don't know the degree of her pain, ever.
What I know now is that she will never have a headache again. After tonight, I took more comfort in that fact than I ever had prior to this point.
In a weird way, I am thankful that I had that headache tonight. It gave me a glimpse into the gift she has now. As we say around here...no pain, no gain...monfrain (Ava added that part and I have no idea what it means)
We've had a good day. We missed her being here, but were able to talk more than cry today. That's a first since Saturday.
You have an amazing way at putting things in perspective, Josh. I'm so glad that your headache has gone away. I continue to pray for you, Lisa, and Noah. Your girl was truly an awesome gift to us all. So glad that today was a better day.
ReplyDeleteJosh- funny you said that Ava said no pain no gain mofrain! I thought ALL along it was No pain, no gain my friend! She is too funny!
ReplyDeleteI want you to also know that I was on the computer tonight and my little Andrew (5) was in the tub and I can hear him from where I am. He kept saying over and over (out of no where) No pain, no gain my friend! I thought wow! What is he saying and why is he saying that right now? (It has been days since he has even said it, which by the way, he would say a lot because Ava taught him it) I thought hmmmm. no pain, no gain....just what Ava experienced. Although she had pain here on earth, her pain is now her gain! She gained soooo much by entering heaven. She has no more pain. And the gain she has now....priceless. Anyway, dont know if I explained that well enough but wanted you to know that I feel God gave me that moment to relay to you. I felt like he wanted me to tell you that. Cause believe me, when Andrew was saying it...it hit me. So I know it was him! Ava has NO PAIN! Her GAIN is more than we can imagine. And mofrain, well I dont know about that but it rhymes and I like it!
I've lived with migraines for a long time as well, and I whine and cry and make a huge fuss... not that any of it helps, but I can't imagine bearing pain like that with such grace.
ReplyDeleteI found myself singing in my head today to "My God is so big, my God is so strong, There's nothing my God cannot do". I so needed to be reminded of those words. Thank you Ava Hunter!
ReplyDeleteI love how God is showing you how He is always good and full of mercey! He sure loves you guys a bunch.
ReplyDeleteHappy that you guys had a GREAT day today.
ReplyDeleteJosh. Why don't you write a book about Ava and title it after her? Lorianne
ReplyDeleteSo glad you had a better day today... Will continue to keep you all in my prayer's....I just have to say that I just can't quit thinking about that sweet smile of Ava's...Boy, she sure knew how to light up a room. Even if it was in a different one atleast a thousand miles away!!! Praying for lot's of comfort and healing..Love the Stidham, Layton and Ricker family!!
ReplyDeleteI love your blog because it is always fresh with those things that the Lord is teaching you right now.
ReplyDeleteAnd it gives me a fresh glimpse of how to pray for you all. Thanks!
M.
My friend, you are a rock. I am inspired daily by your faith, and insight.
ReplyDeleteI have admired your talents since I have known you, and always will.
You fathered a warrior, and that says a great deal about you.
I have occasional migraines which start with flashing jagged bright light "auras" that gradually grown into the shape of a crescent moon for about 15-20 minutes. Thankfully they are not too often and over the counter meds have come a long way over the years. To my surprise I got the light auras this week on Tuesday which are disorienting and I know what you mean about sitting in the dark away from bright lights and taking something to help the nausea and headache subside. This week when the light auras started I thought of your Ava and prayed for the service that was coming up on Thursday. I was able to be there online to witness the love you all expressed for sweet Ava and the hope of being with her again. I pray with each day you'll have more to remember with laughter. We have not met ... but we are "family" in Christ and where Jesus is there is love ... Shalom, Debbie Brown
ReplyDeleteWelcome the laughter at the moments when it comes; it will ease the burden of the anguish and pain that is more prevalent... at least for now.
ReplyDeleteLive the memories for that is where Ava is happy, light, and looking up with her adoring blue eyes. She still is, just not where you can see her.
Many continued blessings and prayers to you and your family as you walk this new path.
What an amazing and touching story of your journey. Your Ava was captivating...still is and always will be. This child changed the world. She changed people whom she never knew existed. What a God given blessing she is...forever. How blessed you are as her family to have been hand picked by God to parent her, love her, laugh with her, share your love of Christ with her, suffer with her and carry on an Ava legacy for years to come!
ReplyDeleteOne thing I'm curious about is the date of Ava's death. Her obituary reads the 4th, but everything else reads the 5th. Was there a misprint?
Shayna Todd - Orlando
You are an incredible man, your family is an incredible family, and your precious Ava was an incredible little girl. So glad your day was more talking than crying. Continuing to pray for you, for strength in the days to come.
ReplyDeleteI hope Lisa and Noah an you continue to have more happy days.
ReplyDeleteThe service was such a reflection of the joy Ava had in her.Isaac did a great sermon so touching and loving.
When your father was moved here by God I think it was so you could meet sweet Lisa have this family and bless each of us with your Faith and love for God Love you Grace.
Josh-
ReplyDeleteI have headaches as well and they do really stink. I haven't vomited from them, but the pain is horrible and sometimes I have to gut it out since taking too much Imitrex isn't a good thing.
I'm guessing that the stress of the last week contributed to the extreme pain you experienced tonight. I'm so very glad that you were able to laugh more today.
May God continue to bless you all and may your headaches stay away for a long time. :)
Love in Christ to you-
Jody
Headaches royally SUCK! God is sovereign yet graciously forgiving. Ava is thriving and supremely LOVED and loving ALL in heaven. I believe and see it more clearly with each passing second. You are one incredible man, husband, dad, son, brother, uncle, friend; God infused. Lisa is FIERCE in EVERY way. Every (insert a powerful expletive) way. The Hunter clan is akin to a tall tale, yet so human, so real. ALL of you are like something out of a Marvel Comics super heroes series. Incredible powers and gifts that you use solely for the good of humankind. Sacrificially.
ReplyDeletePlease take care of yourself, physically and mentally. No surprise that you had that debilitating headache today. The emotional stress and strain you have been under had to manifest itself somehow. Dude, you've just gone through the worst 10 weeks of your life! I'm on the fringes of it all and all I wanted to do today was SLEEP! You and Lisa should take some time to go to some remote, tropical place (together alone (I know that's an oxymoron) and decompress. Sleep, sleep, cry, laugh, be intimate, skinny dip, sleep some more....exhale... Skype with Noah, sleep some more...love, love, love each other like crazy...rediscover each other away from the grief and crushing weight of the burden you were forced to bear! Hawaii or Fiji sounds about right. Seriously. We all can do what it takes to get you there. Can anyone say....Josh/Lisa emergency vacation and intimacy fund????? I'm there. I'll make the reservations...I'll drive you to the airport. Say the word and you are on your way with everyone's blessing! As Steve Brown would say, "You think about that!" PJH
I thought the same thing. I thought morfrain (sp?) what her saying MY FRIEND!!!
ReplyDeleteI thought she meant: "no pain, no gain, my friend ( in slang)!" (smile)
ReplyDeleteJosh, I just had a thought I wanted to share with you. Over the past 10 weeks, thousands of people have been praying for precious Ava, as well as all of your family. Those same thousands of people also thought about how they would cope given the same circumstances. You and your family scored big for God's Team on this trial. The faith, openness and dignity which you and Lisa demonstrated to the rest of us is nothing short of God inspired. I loved seeing the pictures yesterday of beautiful Ava with that heart shaped face and perfect little bow mouth. You, Lisa, Noah, and your extended family honored God more than anyone could have expected. Ava would have been proud of all of you. Thank you for sharing your heart in such a real way.
ReplyDeleteOn a practical note, know it sounds weird but have you tried a combo of one benadryl and two motrin? I've tried everything under the sun for migraines and have found that about 75% that works for me and others I tell. Sometimes under stress neck muscles get tight and put pressure/block the sinus. Thus the combo. Of course you will walk around all day not able to hold your eyes open.....
ReplyDeleteGlad to hear you had a good day. Sue Sc
Monfrain = My friend :)
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean Josh, I'm glad my house burnt down. God uses things like that to bless us, and the people around us.
Talking more than crying is a great victory through prayer, and a beautiful blessing from God.
As one of the people who prayed for your whole family through this.....yesterday was rough. Having begged for a miracle healing, and that God would keep Ava here, at first I focused on thankfulness that she was dancing with Jesus. Put on my best dress, attended the service while staying strong and thankful.
Friday....sorrow and disappointment tripped me up, and I tried not to, but despite my best efforts, mourning overcame me. Today God's Grace lifts me once again, and I am able to rejoice in His blessings, His Will, and goodness.
Our prayers have not ended, and will continue. Praying for Pastor Joel is routine anyway, so adding all of you is easy. It was lovely to meet Ava through your memorial video. What an absolute doll. All the funny faces, and "Moxie" story, added an aspect that really blessed me. Thank you for your blog, it has greatly touched so many. Not many men would dare to show their sensitive side like you have. God Bless You, Lisa and Noah, and if possible, I'm praying He will bless you with more children, because you are clearly excellent parents.
I was surprised by seeing all the security at the church, "Who on earth would want to disrupt this memorial service?" Throughout history we see people standing up for God getting persecuted often.
So now I will also be praying for angels to surround the Hunters, to guard your safety as well. with all the people who care for you, it would be a mighty foolish person, to even try.
You have a place in our hearts & always will.
Peace and love from this Grandma,
Kate Dulsky
Josh, First let me say I am GREATFUL you had a better day yesterday with the exception of the headache, second the you continue to AMAZE me! Last night I was out with my husband and I never go to Altersons. I got out of the car waiting for my husband and stood facing the store and a big as big could be a huge poster of a mother and a child about Avas age was staring me in the face. I yelled to my husband come look at this! My thaughts immediatly turned to you and Lisa and I said how in the world are they going to begin to heal with all this stuff in there face? As you can tell I think of you all all day long and the songs from the sevice always keep popping up in my head all day long. Thank you Ava for bringing my prayer life were it should be as I pray for you All day long,my worship throught the day has improved with song.You are such an example to the world of a grieving father. I am thankful that the prayers are being answered by new understanding and knowledege God had for you in a headache. Josh my prayer for you all today is this, another day of less crying and more laughing,another good day for the new normal. God Bless you ALL....Cindy Miller
ReplyDeleteHeadaches are what has daily reminded me to pray for your family! Yesterday was 9 weeks of daily headaches. I've learned a lot about headaches, and gained a lot of understanding of people in chronic pain! So many times I thought of Ava and your family as I tried to rid myself of headaches!
ReplyDeleteYou are an amazing father, and yours is an amazing family! I wish I could have know Ava, but I am super excited to meet her in heaven! You are very blessed!
Warmly,
Carol
Your family is so strong it amazes me. Praying for you on this Saturday.
ReplyDeleteHi Josh I'm glad the headaches are gone I've had bad migranes but josh you gave Camille & I such inspiration and I'm very proud of Noah the way he handled himself thursday it was just tremendous for the whole family Camille & I wanted to see you guys but we understand will continue to pray for you and the family
ReplyDeleteLove and Hugs
Camille & Richie Halbert
Josh, thank you for continuing to blog all of us. You are such an instrument of God, it truly blesses me everyday. You have such a God given gift and talent, and you are helping others and probably are not even aware of how deeply it affects us all. Our family is still and always will fervently pray for you and your entire family. We pray that each day will get a little better and that those precious memories of Ava will sustain you with God's loving help!! Blessings, Sharon Crandall and family
ReplyDeleteImpact...Josh you come from a family of theologians with lifelong dedication to making this world a better place through Christ. What is totally mind-bending to me is that 99% of the world's religious leaders won't make the impact that the Ava/Josh team made in a matter of 70 days. Think about it: the dedication to reading, to study, all the PHD's, all the praying, all the discussion, all the preaching. And none of it reaches the level of impact this terrible but blessed event has had on the world. It must give us all pause to comprehend God's power in us. Seemingly small sacrifices, with God's love, can change history.
ReplyDeleteOkay Josh, I also thought that monfrain = my friend in slang! You continue to amaze me. I am happy to hear that yesterday there was more laughter than tears. Thanks for continuing to share and teach all of us something through this journey you are on!
ReplyDeleteJosh, I'm sure in my heart that God was with Ava during every headache. She was truly a Big Warrior. I have to agree though I listened over and over to Ava, and I think it was "no pain, no gain, my friend". Believe it or not I miss her and I never got to meet her this side of heaven. But I assure you I will meet her someday. I watched the Memorial Service on line from work during lunch of course, but I felt that your brother did an awesome job, and listening to you, Lisa and Noah just touched my heart. Lisa you are a true TOWER OF STRENGTH. God is good all the time, and our thoughts and prayers are with you now and always. God WILL give you peace. We are only human though so sometimes He has to work on us a little bit longer. But I can sometimes feel her telling me I'm doin great my friends. You guys hang in there. We love you are will continue praying for God's guidance in your lives. Love Scott and Kathy Chall.
ReplyDeleteyou are loved........:)+
ReplyDeleteLast August I had brain surgery for a condition called Chiari Malformation. One of the symptoms was horrible headaches, not to mention a host of other neurological issues. I can speak here from experience...brain surgery and its recovery are painful. Full of pain. How that sweet child ever went through 3 and maintained a smile is beyond me. She truly was a gift and a great example of triumph over pain and fear with the help of our big God.
ReplyDeleteLove to you all,
Amanda Bajgier
Thank you for sharing the gift of Ava with us and blogging about your journey. Thousands of people have been impacted by the story of one little 5 year old warrior.
ReplyDeleteI am praying daily that your family feels God's grace in every moment of every day.
Robin Bush
More talking, less crying...so glad for y'all for that. I've never been one to read blogs, but yours is often on my mind. We still hold praying for your family close to our heart, truly so touched by you all. Have another great day.
ReplyDeleteJosh- I too have suffered from horrible migraines. Imitrex works wonders for me. It affects the blood vessels; it's not a pain med. I take 50 mg. at the onset of one, another 50mg. if necessary. I have no side effects..... I haven't posted since Ava's memorial service. I have watched the video several times. God definitely showed up big-time. The service celebrated precious Ava's life and praised and worshiped God and his goodness. When you, Lisa, and Noah spoke, I was so moved by your dignity and grace. Josh, I saw so much of Jesus in you. Lisa is such a beautiful woman, from the inside out- a Proverbs 31 woman. And Noah, I just wanted to hug that special young man. He draws you in with those big eyes of his and his sincere heart. God will use him in a mighty way. Please know that I love you all and lift you up in prayer throughout each day. Also I wanted to share that what I learned the most from Ava is to not take life or myself too seriously. I can hear her saying in her sweet voice, " Lighten up!" " Blessed are those who mourn; for thay shall be comforted." Isaac enlightened me and brought new meaning to that truth. God bless you and keep you.
ReplyDeleteI appreciate your headache and nausea bringing you closer to brave Ava. You are a gifted writer as well as a wonderful dad and part of a very special family! I am so glad that you all had good moments today. It is an honor to Ava and our Father who love you so much and want you to heal...and heal, you will! Ava will always be with you all until you join her with the Father someday! God bless you all in these dark and different times!!
ReplyDeleteJosh, keep writing, your words are a form of therapy and harmony for all us that are following Ava.
ReplyDeleteJosh, please read your blog whenever you need strength. We should all be holding you up right now but your words bring such comfort to us. You Hunters are definitely God's warriors! I too know so many people who have followed Ava's journey. We are all praying for you. I think about Ava everyday... In a beautiful rainbow or a scripture verse I read. I didn't have the priveledge of knowing your little girl but she has changed me forever. God bless you and your family. The strength that you all have shown inspires me to be a better mother, wife, and Christian!
ReplyDeleteThank you again for insight and perspective.
ReplyDelete~Kelli King Bock~
I can relate to the migraines. Not fun at all. I'm glad to hear you had a good day yesterday. Praying for you and wishing you more happy days to come. One day at a time.
ReplyDeleteErik
Your brother said that planning the memorial service just wasn't "Josh's bag" but it seems to me that perhaps you now have a metaphoric new and different kind of headache as in -- a brand new bag, whether it is familiar on your shoulder or not! Clearly God wanted you to be the spokesperson (and shepherd) to all of us over these last weeks, as through this blog you carried so many hearts with you and drew those who read your words inside a close and sacred circle of prayer, devotion, and consistent spiritual fidelity. You asked what did we learn or how we were effected by Ava, but it was not just the spirited Hunter with the moxy, but also her father who was catalyst to prayerful reflection. I wonder what God has in store for you...what gifts you and Lisa will find infused -- purified to maturation by your trials of the heart. God bless you and your dear wife. One day at a time in God's good time. God bless.
ReplyDeleteDeirdre
Josh and family..
ReplyDeleteI watched Ava's service yesterday, was speechless as tears were in my eyes. What an awesome gift you were given in the life of Ava. She made me smile whenever I saw that great smile and big eyes. A true gift from God. Whenever I read your blog I see the Holy Spirit all over you and your family..you are touching so many people through your story...seeds are being planted that you will never know about but God will....bless you and your family in the days and weeks ahead....still praying....Momma Keim
To our Ava!!! Josh, Lisa, Noah you are an amazing family and such a blessing to me....and I can say to thousands and thousands of people. I have wepted for your loss. I know God gave you strength and peace for Ava's Memorial Service. I have pondered these past 10 weeks with you and have had you on my mind constantly. I too am a PK and I am so much older than you. I have been thru situations with folks and in my own life. Life is hard and experiences are so hard and people watch to see as a PK and a lover of Jesus how we will react. I can say for me it is only thru others prayers when I cannot pray, prayer and HIS GRACE that helps and has helped me. May His Grace and Blessing continue to be upon you. I know when life occurs people would say time heals, it helps and Gods peace is prayed for you by so many folks. Take your time as you need time to heal and the healing time is God's time, it may be days, weeks, years, or a life time. Thank you for your blogs, I do not mean it to be selfish for me, but it helps me, as your family is so real and love our Jesus and I know I do not understand why Ava is not with us but I know with our Lord. May our Jesus comfort you......
ReplyDeleteAva's memorial service so beautifully captured her sprite-like spirit, mischeiviousness, love for others and God and wondrous appreciation of those around her. It was a moving tribute, and each person in your family spoke so eloquently at such a difficult time.
ReplyDeleteBTW, I think the term "monfrain" in the "no pain, no gain, monfrain" was Ava's way of making "my friend" rhyme with the rest. It makes perfect sense to me, and I think it's utterly brillant! Because she was clearly a loving friend to all.
I hope you feel better and the headaches retreat.
First, I wanted to tell you that I was one of the ones who was unable to make it to the service in person but was able to watch online later that night. Ava's service was the most touching and beautifully done that I have ever seen. Your brother and father did an amazing job. Her service glorified God in every way. I think about your family daily and pray for you at red lights, while I'm cleaning my house, while I'm enjoying moments with my family and many other random times. Your family's examples of true love and faith have made me appreciate the little moments of joy in my life so much more than ever before. I am glad you had a better day today. I know there is long journey ahead of healing. Know that the prayers haven't stopped and I wish for you, Noah and Lisa comfort and peace as you navigate this new life. Love to you all.
ReplyDeleteYour headache was a gift in a weird way. I pray lots of gifts come your way that provide comfort and clarity to you and Noah and Lisa. Please don't stop writing it is good for us and Ava's legacy.
ReplyDeleteTonight when there was lightening in the beautiful orange clouds at sunset, I asked my 4 year old daughter if she thought Ava was playing in those clouds with Jesus. She said "oh yes she is!" I side with Patty, take the vacation! Sleep a lot, pray even more. We are praying for you and your beautiful family continually.
ReplyDeleteJosh,
ReplyDeleteI, too, thought monfrien was Ava’s silly way of saying “my friend” but then decided to get a little silly as well and look up various ways of spelling it. “Mon” is French for the word “my”. Frein though, spelled frain, is a French surname meaning Ash tree (www.encyclo.co.uk/define/frain). And when you looks up the ash tree’s symbolic meaning you get Connection, Wisdom, and Surrender (http://www.whats-your-sign.com/celtic-meaning-of-symbolic-trees.html With Ava, and us all, you have connected and provided wisdom, with your ability to totally surrender your heart simply amazing. So maybe, just maybe, Ava knew what she was saying after all (smile).
Be well mon frain. Know you are always in all out thoughts and prayers. Time to get ready to go to church and thank God for all the blessings He gives us each and every day...
Mike Cannavo
I have read that the herb "fever few" has helped some people with their migraines. Do you want to google it or ask someone at a health food store about it? So sorry you've had such awful ones.
ReplyDeletePatty
You know I have posted that while Ava was sick that I would think of her every night before bed, wondering if her little head hurt. I guess, in part, because I suffer from migraines as well. No person on God's green earth, especially a child, should have to go through the pain of severe headaches. But like you said, Ava will never have a headache gain. Bless her sweet heart!
ReplyDeletehahaha that's pretty funny, but this whole time i thought she was saying no pain, no gain my friend (just with a weird accent) lol
ReplyDeleteJosh go to DR Dan Yachter in Lake Mary for your headaches he can fix them, he is a healing Dr. Bless your family, you guys have been our strength.
ReplyDelete