Talk about awesome. There is nothing like middle school football. It pits a 75 pound 6th grader against a 275 pound 8th grader. It's likely the only legal sport in the world that endorses such ridiculousness. But, it sure is fun to watch. There are kids who wouldn't hit someone if you paid them and then there are kids who do nothing but hit people all day, so why would they stop for a football game?
Noah played tonight. It was really fun. Tonight was a battle of the defeateds. It was 2 teams with records of 0-4 battling to the finish. We won. Our team is likely the first team in history to win only the last game of the season and soak the coach with the gatorade bath. That was hilarious.
So we finish 1-4 with a coach that needs a shower.
It was a great character building season for Noah...seems like those are coming in droves for my little man right now. But, the lessons are clear. It rarely goes exactly as you want, so you better learn to push through to get where you need to be.
Middle School football taught me that.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Prayer request.
Lisa, Noah and I are hanging in there fine and we are daily good, bad, and everything in between. So, you can always pray for us, but for this next stretch of time I have another request.
A few weeks ago I had the privilege of meeting Don and Donna Cheney at Hunter Vision. They have gone to Northland for a while and came to see us and go through the Hunter Vision experience. In just a few short minutes I grew to love them. Donna sat in the lobby and talked with me about the struggles of losing her father and we shared stories. Don sat and talked with me while Donna was with Dr. Hunter and I loved it. That man is comfortable talking to anyone! It was a blessing to me that day.
Just today I got a message from Donna. She asked if I would pray for Don. Don was diagnosed this week with ALS and has been given a prognosis of 18 months. They are still trying to digest the news, but I wanted to get this news to every prayer warrior I know and have them start praying. They face a tough battle ahead, but our God is big and He absolutely can beat any disease. I want to be the one asking for prayer for someone else for a while. They need it. Ava is good now and I told you last night that you showed me...it matters that we take our time and give it to those who are hurting. So, here we go. Please join with me and pray for Don. Pray that this disease will just be gone immediately, pray that God will be glorified, and pray for Donna that she have the strength to walk this road by his side.
Thanks friends. As I said, It matters. Time to lock and and pray for my friends. Who's with me?
A few weeks ago I had the privilege of meeting Don and Donna Cheney at Hunter Vision. They have gone to Northland for a while and came to see us and go through the Hunter Vision experience. In just a few short minutes I grew to love them. Donna sat in the lobby and talked with me about the struggles of losing her father and we shared stories. Don sat and talked with me while Donna was with Dr. Hunter and I loved it. That man is comfortable talking to anyone! It was a blessing to me that day.
Just today I got a message from Donna. She asked if I would pray for Don. Don was diagnosed this week with ALS and has been given a prognosis of 18 months. They are still trying to digest the news, but I wanted to get this news to every prayer warrior I know and have them start praying. They face a tough battle ahead, but our God is big and He absolutely can beat any disease. I want to be the one asking for prayer for someone else for a while. They need it. Ava is good now and I told you last night that you showed me...it matters that we take our time and give it to those who are hurting. So, here we go. Please join with me and pray for Don. Pray that this disease will just be gone immediately, pray that God will be glorified, and pray for Donna that she have the strength to walk this road by his side.
Thanks friends. As I said, It matters. Time to lock and and pray for my friends. Who's with me?
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Another card delivery...
My mom and pop delivered another bunch of cards today. People (you people) have been amazing to us as we have walked through these last few weeks. We have received thousands of cards and notes and have read every one of them.
What I learned is that it matters. It matters to take two minutes of your life and let someone know you are praying for them when they are grieving. I can't tell you how much encouragement Lisa and I get from all of your notes and support. It has truly been a gift to us.
I will forever forward remember what it's like to be in this position and how much it matters to people when you tell them you care. It's easy to think that someone else will do it or that it won't matter. It does.
God put us here for relationship. No time in my life has it been clearer. We know the joy of having it and the pain of losing it. Blessed are those who mourn because they have truly loved.
We are blessed.
What I learned is that it matters. It matters to take two minutes of your life and let someone know you are praying for them when they are grieving. I can't tell you how much encouragement Lisa and I get from all of your notes and support. It has truly been a gift to us.
I will forever forward remember what it's like to be in this position and how much it matters to people when you tell them you care. It's easy to think that someone else will do it or that it won't matter. It does.
God put us here for relationship. No time in my life has it been clearer. We know the joy of having it and the pain of losing it. Blessed are those who mourn because they have truly loved.
We are blessed.
Monday, September 27, 2010
Why Hunter Vision?
Joel Hunter, MD's eye surgery career is years old. Hunter Vision is two months old. I love it. I love going to work everyday and the people on our team are as awesome as you could find anywhere.
I get asked often, "What is it that you all provide that the others don't?" Fortunately, that is a really easy question to answer. It breaks down into 4 major things:
1. The Hunter Vision Analysis. When we test your eyes, we do it like no one else. The exam is 90 minutes long and we look at every single thing in your eyes, not just the minimum required to have vision correction. We care about your full eye health. It's why Dr. Hunter sits with each patient and takes them on a guided tour of their eyes. All the testing we do is not covered by insurance, so other places shy away from it. We didn't want insurance dictating what was best for our patients. Furthermore, it takes time (which hurts volume for surgeons) so most aren't willing to do it. Not us. We do it because it's best. No one else can say they do the testing we do for every single vision correction patient. It's truly amazing. It's a free exam for our patients who are pursuing vision correction procedures.
2. Dr. Hunter gives you his personal cell phone number on surgery day. Where else can you call the doctor and actually get him at 1:00 in the morning if you are wondering if what you are feeling is normal?
3. Time. You get it from Dr. Hunter at every visit. You are never passed off to another doc. If you have issues that are not related to what we do we will certainly refer you to another qualified doc in town, but if we can handle it...Dr. Hunter does it.
4. 15% of all dollars made by Hunter Vision will go to missions and charity organizations. Our hope is that this will be more significant each year.
I think that's enough, but there are many other things that differentiate Hunter Vision from your everyday regular LASIK and Cataract surgery joint.
You should come and see us. We are nice and I am confident we will get better results than anywhere else you could go because a) Dr. Hunter is a great surgeon, and b) our technology is the latest you'll find anywhere in the USA.
That is today's infomercial. If you live in Central Florida, tell your friends. We are trying to let people know there is a better option for their vision. It's Hunter Vision.
Commercial Ended.
I can't not talk about Hunter Vision. It's absolutely the culmination of years of dreaming and planning with my brother Joel. We are open and helping people every single day. Find someone who has visited and ask them what they thought.
It's been a good day. I am just excited tonight for what God is doing through this clinic. It's fun to be a part of it. I'm grateful that Ava got to see it launch. It's as much for her now as it ever was. I realize that could sound contrived, but I mean it from the bottom of my heart.
I get asked often, "What is it that you all provide that the others don't?" Fortunately, that is a really easy question to answer. It breaks down into 4 major things:
1. The Hunter Vision Analysis. When we test your eyes, we do it like no one else. The exam is 90 minutes long and we look at every single thing in your eyes, not just the minimum required to have vision correction. We care about your full eye health. It's why Dr. Hunter sits with each patient and takes them on a guided tour of their eyes. All the testing we do is not covered by insurance, so other places shy away from it. We didn't want insurance dictating what was best for our patients. Furthermore, it takes time (which hurts volume for surgeons) so most aren't willing to do it. Not us. We do it because it's best. No one else can say they do the testing we do for every single vision correction patient. It's truly amazing. It's a free exam for our patients who are pursuing vision correction procedures.
2. Dr. Hunter gives you his personal cell phone number on surgery day. Where else can you call the doctor and actually get him at 1:00 in the morning if you are wondering if what you are feeling is normal?
3. Time. You get it from Dr. Hunter at every visit. You are never passed off to another doc. If you have issues that are not related to what we do we will certainly refer you to another qualified doc in town, but if we can handle it...Dr. Hunter does it.
4. 15% of all dollars made by Hunter Vision will go to missions and charity organizations. Our hope is that this will be more significant each year.
I think that's enough, but there are many other things that differentiate Hunter Vision from your everyday regular LASIK and Cataract surgery joint.
You should come and see us. We are nice and I am confident we will get better results than anywhere else you could go because a) Dr. Hunter is a great surgeon, and b) our technology is the latest you'll find anywhere in the USA.
That is today's infomercial. If you live in Central Florida, tell your friends. We are trying to let people know there is a better option for their vision. It's Hunter Vision.
Commercial Ended.
I can't not talk about Hunter Vision. It's absolutely the culmination of years of dreaming and planning with my brother Joel. We are open and helping people every single day. Find someone who has visited and ask them what they thought.
It's been a good day. I am just excited tonight for what God is doing through this clinic. It's fun to be a part of it. I'm grateful that Ava got to see it launch. It's as much for her now as it ever was. I realize that could sound contrived, but I mean it from the bottom of my heart.
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Cleaned a little bit in the house today.
How's that for a stirring title? If you've made it this far without clicking off the page to go check the scores from today (or more likely flipped to the lifetime channel and shut your laptop given my demographic of likely readers) then you are truly dedicated to reading this post. For that, I applaud you.
I spent a good bit of time just cleaning stuff today. I learned a few things. The first is that I have about 100 socks that do not have a mate. The second is that every bit of our home is a reminder of Ava's life. I was in and out of tears and laughs most of the day today. It's been 3 weeks and it feels like it was yesterday or like it was 100 years ago. It depends on the minute of the day.
I just plain miss Ava. Life is moving on and things are getting more "normal", but I don't much care for the new normal yet. It's just feels like we are missing a piece. It feel like we are in a car that lost a tire. The car moves forward, but you can't control where it's going too well and it leaves a heck of a scar on the road as it travels.
I am working on it. So are Lisa and Noah. We talk about her all the time.
Thanks for your continued prayers. We know we are blessed. Just pray we'll walk through this valley well and faithfully. Ava's life will be remembered by the faithful legacy we live and leave. That's a big weight to carry, but I wouldn't want it any other way.
That's what you can learn by cleaning the house. Now you have a reason to tell your spouse that it's too hard and you'd rather watch football or Twilight (whichever example better fits your fancy).
G'night all.
I spent a good bit of time just cleaning stuff today. I learned a few things. The first is that I have about 100 socks that do not have a mate. The second is that every bit of our home is a reminder of Ava's life. I was in and out of tears and laughs most of the day today. It's been 3 weeks and it feels like it was yesterday or like it was 100 years ago. It depends on the minute of the day.
I just plain miss Ava. Life is moving on and things are getting more "normal", but I don't much care for the new normal yet. It's just feels like we are missing a piece. It feel like we are in a car that lost a tire. The car moves forward, but you can't control where it's going too well and it leaves a heck of a scar on the road as it travels.
I am working on it. So are Lisa and Noah. We talk about her all the time.
Thanks for your continued prayers. We know we are blessed. Just pray we'll walk through this valley well and faithfully. Ava's life will be remembered by the faithful legacy we live and leave. That's a big weight to carry, but I wouldn't want it any other way.
That's what you can learn by cleaning the house. Now you have a reason to tell your spouse that it's too hard and you'd rather watch football or Twilight (whichever example better fits your fancy).
G'night all.
Saturday, September 25, 2010
All day.
I hunted with Noah and Ava this morning. We saw squirrels and turkey this morning...which was not what we were hunting. The full moon screwed it all up, but I don't care. It was awesome just being out with my family. One day Lisa will join us...right honey?
OK. Tonight we hung out with some friends. They are friends of Lisa from RDV, but they are quickly becoming my friends too. One of the couples has a 2 year old daughter named Stella. She is just like Ava. All night I saw Ava running around and running the show. She is every bit the spunk that Ava is. It was so wonderful.
Our friends treated us like family tonight. Many thanks to our new friends. The Walls', Ralls' and Taylor's are amazing people. I loved spending time with new friends who care about our family. It was truly a blessing to Lisa and I.
I am off to bed. I've been up since 3:30.
OK. Tonight we hung out with some friends. They are friends of Lisa from RDV, but they are quickly becoming my friends too. One of the couples has a 2 year old daughter named Stella. She is just like Ava. All night I saw Ava running around and running the show. She is every bit the spunk that Ava is. It was so wonderful.
Our friends treated us like family tonight. Many thanks to our new friends. The Walls', Ralls' and Taylor's are amazing people. I loved spending time with new friends who care about our family. It was truly a blessing to Lisa and I.
I am off to bed. I've been up since 3:30.
Friday, September 24, 2010
A few minutes with Noah tomorrow.
I'll be in a treestand with my boy tomorrow morning. We are gonna head out together in search of a monster Florida buck...which is like saying, a huge chihuahua. But, regardless of the size of deer we see it will be blessed time. My boy is growing up into a young man and is going through a life defining moment. God will use this time to make him who He wants him to be. I want to be there with him while it's happening.
Noah is a good man. We are going to have a great time. We probably won't shoot any deer, but we will have fun just being together. And we will be together where I meet Ava and God. I can't think of anything better...well, unless Lisa would come...but, hey a guy can only ask for so much :)
Noah is a good man. We are going to have a great time. We probably won't shoot any deer, but we will have fun just being together. And we will be together where I meet Ava and God. I can't think of anything better...well, unless Lisa would come...but, hey a guy can only ask for so much :)
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Tonight
I met with my friend. He lost his daughter exactly one day before Ava was taken to the hospital the first time. It was amazing. We laughed together and shared stories about what the days were like before our daughters went to be with Jesus.
It was awesome. I spent time with a man in my shoes tonight. What a gift. Thank you God for Tim.
That's all...just thankful.
It was awesome. I spent time with a man in my shoes tonight. What a gift. Thank you God for Tim.
That's all...just thankful.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
decent.
Today was pretty good. No real eventful happenings, but I actually got some work done at Hunter Vision. That's been tough to get groovin' for about 3 months. I have been working in short spurts of concentrated energy. Today I actually had some longer spurts. That's a good sign for me. I still think about Ava at least every 15 minutes, but for some reason today it didn't distract me completely every time. I may be progressing or I may just have had a decent day only to regress again tomorrow. Only time will tell.
I started writing in this blog to keep my family and close friends aware of what was happening so they would know how to pray. Little did I know that thousands would come to know our little girl and pray for her. I am so thankful for all of you. What a blessing you have been through this whole time. We have needed every single prayer and continue to.
We miss Ava like nothing else we have ever felt...but we know it's only us. She is better than awesome right now. Thanks for continuing to pray as we walk through these days not knowing how we will handle them. Each one brings it's own challenge and reward.
I get to meet with an old friend of mine tomorrow night. He lost his daughter in June. I can't wait. I look so forward to hearing how he is doing and dealing with it. He's ahead of me.
God knows what I need.
I started writing in this blog to keep my family and close friends aware of what was happening so they would know how to pray. Little did I know that thousands would come to know our little girl and pray for her. I am so thankful for all of you. What a blessing you have been through this whole time. We have needed every single prayer and continue to.
We miss Ava like nothing else we have ever felt...but we know it's only us. She is better than awesome right now. Thanks for continuing to pray as we walk through these days not knowing how we will handle them. Each one brings it's own challenge and reward.
I get to meet with an old friend of mine tomorrow night. He lost his daughter in June. I can't wait. I look so forward to hearing how he is doing and dealing with it. He's ahead of me.
God knows what I need.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Wonderin'
Spent a lot of today wonderin'. I wonder what Ava is doing. I wonder what it will feel like to not miss her so bad. I wonder if I even want to not miss her so bad. I wonder how in the world this was what God wanted to use. I wonder why anyone has to lose family.
Lots of my wondering doesn't even make sense to me...so I am sure it doesn't make sense to anyone else. I've been in a bit of a funk today. I comes in waves. I am fine one minute and then an hour later, just plain sad. I really am looking forward to days where the sadness isn't so sad, but more the fond memory that people talk about that eventually comes. I am not there yet.
I found out that some of my deer huntin buddies in Ohio are going through some brain cancer issues right now, too. It's amazing how close to home that hits. When I hear those words I see Ava's face. I remember the moment we found out. I really wish it was all not real. I really do hate cancer. I think it should be illegal.
Ok, I'm done. It wasn't a great day. But, tomorrow is bound to be better. I am gonna go pray for a while. Close to God is close to Ava since she is with Him....
Lots of my wondering doesn't even make sense to me...so I am sure it doesn't make sense to anyone else. I've been in a bit of a funk today. I comes in waves. I am fine one minute and then an hour later, just plain sad. I really am looking forward to days where the sadness isn't so sad, but more the fond memory that people talk about that eventually comes. I am not there yet.
I found out that some of my deer huntin buddies in Ohio are going through some brain cancer issues right now, too. It's amazing how close to home that hits. When I hear those words I see Ava's face. I remember the moment we found out. I really wish it was all not real. I really do hate cancer. I think it should be illegal.
Ok, I'm done. It wasn't a great day. But, tomorrow is bound to be better. I am gonna go pray for a while. Close to God is close to Ava since she is with Him....
Monday, September 20, 2010
Hunted again.
Yep. I hunted again this early morning. I try to hunt as much as I can when the season rolls around. This season even more. I hunt because that is where I meet God. And where I meet God...there I meet Ava, since she is with him. I didn't actually see anything today that would be worth bringing home, but I did talk to Ava. It was awesome. I love the deer woods. More so now than ever. I talked with Ava this morning. It was awesome.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
A peek into my family...
Here is the email I got from my mom tonight. I picked this one because it is NOT special. It is like every email she sends. Some of you wonder how we make it through what we are going through...here is part of it. We have a trust in God that is unwavering, but we have a family all around that holds us up. My hope in showing you this is not that you will think "Oh, isn't that nice that he has a nice mom?"...it is the hope that it will inspire you to be this for your kids as they grow up. That's what these regular interactions with my mother do for me...they inspire me to be better...
Hi Josh! Hi Lisa!
Just wanted to say that there were about a zillion people today at Northland who came up to Pop and/or me and went on and on about how Ava changed their lives, their friends lives and the lives of people who know people who know people who’s lives she impacted (the chains of some of the relationships people were trying to explain was four or five people long!) Seriously, Ava is having incredible influence on so many people it is hard to fathom it all!
Just one example: This lady who goes to Northland and works in a live-in rehab center said this one lady there has severe MS and her son has been mad at God for 20 years (he’s 38 now). This Northland woman always puts on the Northland service for the MS lady when she goes over to help there and mid = week this week when she was over there she put on Ava’s memorial service because the lady wanted to “watch Northland.” Well, as it was starting, her 38 year old son came in and was going to turn it off and his mom said “no, leave it.” So he did but wasn’t too happy about being there to visit and her watching the service. Anyway, the Northland lady said that when Ava came on and sang the opening to that first worship song, he stared and the screen and hardly blinked for the rest of the service. At the end he was teary and said “Maybe God really is up there somewhere.” He wrote down Northland’s site address and told the Northland helper lady he was going to tune into worship this weekend! And he did!! He left a message with the online pastor that he was going to show up next weekend and that he hadn’t been in church since he was in high school! How amazing is that?!!
And there was story after story like that. People watching the service at their desks in offices and co-workers who aren’t believers and who don’t know any of us and never met Ava watching the service from beginning to end and carrying on conversations about faith throughout the past week because of what they saw and heard; One lady told me she was in her car to come to the memorial service and the car wouldn’t start so she went in her house, called a towing company, and starting watching the service online. When the tow truck driver arrived he got everything all hooked up and she walked outside with her laptop, told him what she was watching and that it would be over soon so she would just meet him at the garage. She said he looked at the screen and ended up standing there with her in her driveway watching the last fifteen minutes of the service and then asking her about her church!
It’s all just so incredible! Ava is blessing the world every day, even now. I am so grateful to God for her; for you; for Noah. What a witness—what a team. I love you guys soooo much.
I hope you rest well tonight and that tomorrow will be filled up with blessings.
With much gratitude and great respect,
Mom
Hi Josh! Hi Lisa!
Just wanted to say that there were about a zillion people today at Northland who came up to Pop and/or me and went on and on about how Ava changed their lives, their friends lives and the lives of people who know people who know people who’s lives she impacted (the chains of some of the relationships people were trying to explain was four or five people long!) Seriously, Ava is having incredible influence on so many people it is hard to fathom it all!
Just one example: This lady who goes to Northland and works in a live-in rehab center said this one lady there has severe MS and her son has been mad at God for 20 years (he’s 38 now). This Northland woman always puts on the Northland service for the MS lady when she goes over to help there and mid = week this week when she was over there she put on Ava’s memorial service because the lady wanted to “watch Northland.” Well, as it was starting, her 38 year old son came in and was going to turn it off and his mom said “no, leave it.” So he did but wasn’t too happy about being there to visit and her watching the service. Anyway, the Northland lady said that when Ava came on and sang the opening to that first worship song, he stared and the screen and hardly blinked for the rest of the service. At the end he was teary and said “Maybe God really is up there somewhere.” He wrote down Northland’s site address and told the Northland helper lady he was going to tune into worship this weekend! And he did!! He left a message with the online pastor that he was going to show up next weekend and that he hadn’t been in church since he was in high school! How amazing is that?!!
And there was story after story like that. People watching the service at their desks in offices and co-workers who aren’t believers and who don’t know any of us and never met Ava watching the service from beginning to end and carrying on conversations about faith throughout the past week because of what they saw and heard; One lady told me she was in her car to come to the memorial service and the car wouldn’t start so she went in her house, called a towing company, and starting watching the service online. When the tow truck driver arrived he got everything all hooked up and she walked outside with her laptop, told him what she was watching and that it would be over soon so she would just meet him at the garage. She said he looked at the screen and ended up standing there with her in her driveway watching the last fifteen minutes of the service and then asking her about her church!
It’s all just so incredible! Ava is blessing the world every day, even now. I am so grateful to God for her; for you; for Noah. What a witness—what a team. I love you guys soooo much.
I hope you rest well tonight and that tomorrow will be filled up with blessings.
With much gratitude and great respect,
Mom
Saturday, September 18, 2010
LBD.
I watch a lot of hunting shows. One of my favorites (that the kids love as well) often uses the slogan "BBD". BBD stands for "Big Buck Down". Well, I got the buck and down part done today...however, big is not a word you would use to describe it. It was just a li'l 6pt, but it was a trophy to me. It was my first deer with this bow, it was my first deer hunt with my girl, and it was opening day of the season...can't ask for more.
I spent most of the day in a tree just talking to God and Ava. I also spent a good portion of the day just watching nature do its thing. Turkeys were fighting sand hill cranes, squirrels were yelling at each other over acorns, and little blue birds were yelling at me because they didn't want me in their tree. It was awesome. I needed it so much.
I have an awesome wife that doesn't get mad if I need a day or two in the woods. She takes care of everything so I can get that time. She's not a big hunter, but she understands that I need it...she is awesome.
I had a wonderful day with God, Ava and the harvest of an incredible animal that will feed our family.
I told you this blog was down home. I am a country boy who is stuck in the city. Days like today remind me of just that :)
I spent most of the day in a tree just talking to God and Ava. I also spent a good portion of the day just watching nature do its thing. Turkeys were fighting sand hill cranes, squirrels were yelling at each other over acorns, and little blue birds were yelling at me because they didn't want me in their tree. It was awesome. I needed it so much.
I have an awesome wife that doesn't get mad if I need a day or two in the woods. She takes care of everything so I can get that time. She's not a big hunter, but she understands that I need it...she is awesome.
I had a wonderful day with God, Ava and the harvest of an incredible animal that will feed our family.
I told you this blog was down home. I am a country boy who is stuck in the city. Days like today remind me of just that :)
Friday, September 17, 2010
Goin deer huntin.
I'll blog tomorrow. Hopefully with a picture of a majestic buck. I'll be with Ava.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Deer Hunts
It's about that time. Saturday marks opening day of bow season in Central Florida. You know where I'll be. I'll be chasing the illusive whitetail deer from Saturday until sometime in December when I call it quits.
Hunting is all things awesome wrapped into one. It is time in the woods just watching God's creation come alive with the rising of the sun and watching it go still as it sets. It is incredible color and sound. It is time with man family (son, brothers, uncles, cousins). It is a celebration of the harvest no matter who brings it home. It is time alone that restores my soul in its deepest places. It's time with God. And this year, for the first time, it will be time with Ava.
I can't wait to get 15 ft up in a tree and be with her. There will be a time this season when Noah will go with me and I will be with both of my kids. I look forward to it very much.
I rarely get anything, but a successful hunt is one where everyone comes home after being a part of nature instead of viewing it from afar. I will spend more time this year in a tree because I need it and I want some extra time with God and Ava.
I can't wait. I may not even take my bow, nah...that's crazy talk.
Hunting is all things awesome wrapped into one. It is time in the woods just watching God's creation come alive with the rising of the sun and watching it go still as it sets. It is incredible color and sound. It is time with man family (son, brothers, uncles, cousins). It is a celebration of the harvest no matter who brings it home. It is time alone that restores my soul in its deepest places. It's time with God. And this year, for the first time, it will be time with Ava.
I can't wait to get 15 ft up in a tree and be with her. There will be a time this season when Noah will go with me and I will be with both of my kids. I look forward to it very much.
I rarely get anything, but a successful hunt is one where everyone comes home after being a part of nature instead of viewing it from afar. I will spend more time this year in a tree because I need it and I want some extra time with God and Ava.
I can't wait. I may not even take my bow, nah...that's crazy talk.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Pretty good day, actually
I've been back at work all week and it has been great. Which reminds me...
If you wear glasses or contacts for distance or reading...you should get rid of them by coming to see us at Hunter Vision.
Hunter Vision is a place that has given me rest and focus this week. The people that work on our staff have carried me through the last 2 1/2 months during our unique journey. They have done things that are no where in their job description and loved my family well through the most difficult of days. It's an amazing gift to be able to work with "family". I am so thankful for them. This week has allowed me to focus on giving instead of needing and that is a welcome relief. Focusing back on the way we take care of patients and how we can continue to make each interaction better as we grow the practice is a true blessing right now.
Lisa, Noah and I are still fighting through each day as we learn how to live without Ava here, but each day is getting slightly better as we can more celebrate her gain rather than mourn our loss. My hope is that continues with each passing day.
I am blessed tonight to have a great team at Hunter Vision and a wonderful family all around me. Ava knows that now, and she knew it a month ago. She is blessed by it too.
If you wear glasses or contacts for distance or reading...you should get rid of them by coming to see us at Hunter Vision.
Hunter Vision is a place that has given me rest and focus this week. The people that work on our staff have carried me through the last 2 1/2 months during our unique journey. They have done things that are no where in their job description and loved my family well through the most difficult of days. It's an amazing gift to be able to work with "family". I am so thankful for them. This week has allowed me to focus on giving instead of needing and that is a welcome relief. Focusing back on the way we take care of patients and how we can continue to make each interaction better as we grow the practice is a true blessing right now.
Lisa, Noah and I are still fighting through each day as we learn how to live without Ava here, but each day is getting slightly better as we can more celebrate her gain rather than mourn our loss. My hope is that continues with each passing day.
I am blessed tonight to have a great team at Hunter Vision and a wonderful family all around me. Ava knows that now, and she knew it a month ago. She is blessed by it too.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
I wanna be like Noah.
Noah is 12. He just lost his sister 10 days ago. I watch him in amazement. He looks at this whole thing like, "Why is everyone sad? If you are concerned for Ava, you are crazy...if you are just feeling sorry for yourself then that's stupid...you are supposed to care about others more than you care about yourself." I am trying to get there. The simple, convincing faith of a 12 year old young man is inspiring to me. Sure, Noah misses his sister. He loves his sister. He also believes in a God that is bigger than his understanding and he absolutely trusts without question that God has the best plan and that Ava is happier than ever. So, he is comforted and completely happy!
I am working on it. Deer hunting helps. I am going to go watch some hunting shows and think about how to be more like Noah.
I am working on it. Deer hunting helps. I am going to go watch some hunting shows and think about how to be more like Noah.
Monday, September 13, 2010
Like I said.
This blog is about to get down home.
I hunt. I do it unapologetically. Every year around this time I begin to grow my beard. I grow it from opening day of deer season until I get back from my Ohio hunt with my brothers. Ava loves my beard and loves that I bring home meat for our family to eat. We eat everything I shoot, so nothing is wasted. I love to hunt. It's what I am. I am a Hunter :)
This year, just like every year before it for the last 10, I will head to Ohio and hunt the great whitetail deer. Some of you will not like this part of me and I am ok with that...you can just quit reading for a while. If you make an anti-hunting comment, it will promptly be deleted. However, its not you that I am deleting, its your anti-hunting comment...so don't feel bad.
I absolutely love sitting in a tree and being a part of God's creation. It is where I feel closest to God. This year, I will be close to Ava too since she is close to God. I read a comment from one of you who lost a child a while back and it said "I just try to stay close to Jesus because I know my boy is right there with Him"... I loved that. That is what I will be doing while I am in His creation.
This year, Ava will be with me in my tree stand. She will be talking to me and I will be talking to her. She loved this time of year and asked me every time I called home, "did you get one yet, daddy?" The answer was usually, "no", but I loved to hear that question. This year she will know as soon as it happens.
I miss Ava, but we are good today. I can't wait to take her on her first deer hunt with me. It's been a long time coming.
Oh, and I got a new bow for this season, Ava. You are gonna like it...
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Not bad.
Today was pretty dang good. We decided to hang back and worship online with Northland for one more week instead of make the trek to Summit for our normal worship service. It seemed like it may be too much to handle coming right off of the service this week and all.
So, we did what everyone does who doesn't go to church on Sunday morning. We went out for brunch. It was just Lisa, Noah and me. It was really strange not having Ava there, but we talked about her a lot and really enjoyed the time together this morning. Somewhere in the last two days I went from "supremely sad" to "just miss her, really bad". The difference in those two is the ability to think about her with a smile on my face instead of tears in my eyes.
We had a fairly normal day. I mowed the yard with Noah (perfectly normal), shot my bow in prep for deer season (perfectly awesome), and hugged on Lisa (perfectly perfect).
About that bow shooting...
I can't wait to get in a treestand. I still talk with Ava everyday and don't think that will ever stop. I hear her voice all the time. It's the first season I can trust her not to fidget...so I'm letting her go with me. Deer season is upon us. This is the point in the year where all of my PETA friends can quit reading for about 3 months...I'm gonna talk a lot about hunting and God. Ava loves both.
This blog is about to get real, down home, American.
So, we did what everyone does who doesn't go to church on Sunday morning. We went out for brunch. It was just Lisa, Noah and me. It was really strange not having Ava there, but we talked about her a lot and really enjoyed the time together this morning. Somewhere in the last two days I went from "supremely sad" to "just miss her, really bad". The difference in those two is the ability to think about her with a smile on my face instead of tears in my eyes.
We had a fairly normal day. I mowed the yard with Noah (perfectly normal), shot my bow in prep for deer season (perfectly awesome), and hugged on Lisa (perfectly perfect).
About that bow shooting...
I can't wait to get in a treestand. I still talk with Ava everyday and don't think that will ever stop. I hear her voice all the time. It's the first season I can trust her not to fidget...so I'm letting her go with me. Deer season is upon us. This is the point in the year where all of my PETA friends can quit reading for about 3 months...I'm gonna talk a lot about hunting and God. Ava loves both.
This blog is about to get real, down home, American.
Friday, September 10, 2010
My thoughts on Headaches.
I hate them. I have had them since I was in high school. I hated them then and I really hate them now. I have special sympathy for people who get headaches. They can be debilitating. Migraines are not my friend.
Watching Ava take on the headaches and beat them down hit home for me tonight. I ended today with a headache like I never had before. It was the absolute worst headache in my entire head hurting career (which is long and storied). I was minutes from heading to the hospital (In all the years of migraines I have never even thought about going to the hospital) to get something to make it stop before I began to feel it let up ever so slightly. So, I waited it out and am ok now. But, I couldn't stop thinking about Ava as I vomited from the pain and walked around the house with my eyes closed to keep all light out and not sit still. I just kept thinking..."how in the heck did she do this?" My respect and admiration grew with each passing minute. Ava is a special kid with a unique capacity to bear pain. Her tolerance is so high that Lisa and I really don't know the degree of her pain, ever.
What I know now is that she will never have a headache again. After tonight, I took more comfort in that fact than I ever had prior to this point.
In a weird way, I am thankful that I had that headache tonight. It gave me a glimpse into the gift she has now. As we say around here...no pain, no gain...monfrain (Ava added that part and I have no idea what it means)
We've had a good day. We missed her being here, but were able to talk more than cry today. That's a first since Saturday.
Watching Ava take on the headaches and beat them down hit home for me tonight. I ended today with a headache like I never had before. It was the absolute worst headache in my entire head hurting career (which is long and storied). I was minutes from heading to the hospital (In all the years of migraines I have never even thought about going to the hospital) to get something to make it stop before I began to feel it let up ever so slightly. So, I waited it out and am ok now. But, I couldn't stop thinking about Ava as I vomited from the pain and walked around the house with my eyes closed to keep all light out and not sit still. I just kept thinking..."how in the heck did she do this?" My respect and admiration grew with each passing minute. Ava is a special kid with a unique capacity to bear pain. Her tolerance is so high that Lisa and I really don't know the degree of her pain, ever.
What I know now is that she will never have a headache again. After tonight, I took more comfort in that fact than I ever had prior to this point.
In a weird way, I am thankful that I had that headache tonight. It gave me a glimpse into the gift she has now. As we say around here...no pain, no gain...monfrain (Ava added that part and I have no idea what it means)
We've had a good day. We missed her being here, but were able to talk more than cry today. That's a first since Saturday.
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Ava Memorial Service
If you can't be there you can be a part of it online...www.northlandchurch.net
It will stream live at 11:00am EST and available to watch later as well.
Just wanted to make sure you could see it if you wanted to.
Now, make sure you read today's real blog below this and send me a story about how Ava touched your life.
-love to you all
It will stream live at 11:00am EST and available to watch later as well.
Just wanted to make sure you could see it if you wanted to.
Now, make sure you read today's real blog below this and send me a story about how Ava touched your life.
-love to you all
A favor.
As I thought about ways that I could remember Ava best, I wondered if you all would help me. If you could leave a comment on this blog about the way Ava changed your life or what you remember most about her, I would be forever grateful. Don't feel any pressure to comment if you don't have something, I just thought for those who she touched it would be a great picture for us to have of our little warrior.
Most of you have asked what you can do for us... this would be a great way to serve Lisa, Noah and me. I plan to print them all out and make a little "book of lives touched" by Ava Hunter.
So, will you help?
Oh, and leave your first and last name if you would...just for me :)
Most of you have asked what you can do for us... this would be a great way to serve Lisa, Noah and me. I plan to print them all out and make a little "book of lives touched" by Ava Hunter.
So, will you help?
Oh, and leave your first and last name if you would...just for me :)
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
still.
As in, I can't sit. As in, I can't believe it. As in, I love her. As in, I want to hold her.
I have spent the better part of two days with a physical pain response from an emotional loss. I go from laughing to crying from minute to minute and hour to hour. I went from caring so deeply for Ava's well being to only being able to see how badly I hurt without her in a matter of seconds this last weekend.
It's weird. I always looked at those who were grieving by looking at pictures and videos and holding things from their loved ones as people who may do better to try to move past the pain instead of relish it. No longer. I get it now. Everything in me wants to see one more video, one more photo, one more thing she wore or wrote. I don't care about the pain and tears as much as I do etching every single memory that I have with her into my brain for good. I spend the better part of each hour trying to parse through the details of conversations we had, jokes she told, and rituals that I had only with her. I don't ever want those to leave me. I want to remember them all, all the time.
Lisa, Noah and I are walking together through these days with the newness of this life without Ava just under the surface at all times. Every normal thing is not normal because she is not with us. It will take a long, long time to unwind from the daily routine that defined our family. I'm not even sure I want to. I want everything to be the way it was...still.
As in, I trust God.
I have spent the better part of two days with a physical pain response from an emotional loss. I go from laughing to crying from minute to minute and hour to hour. I went from caring so deeply for Ava's well being to only being able to see how badly I hurt without her in a matter of seconds this last weekend.
It's weird. I always looked at those who were grieving by looking at pictures and videos and holding things from their loved ones as people who may do better to try to move past the pain instead of relish it. No longer. I get it now. Everything in me wants to see one more video, one more photo, one more thing she wore or wrote. I don't care about the pain and tears as much as I do etching every single memory that I have with her into my brain for good. I spend the better part of each hour trying to parse through the details of conversations we had, jokes she told, and rituals that I had only with her. I don't ever want those to leave me. I want to remember them all, all the time.
Lisa, Noah and I are walking together through these days with the newness of this life without Ava just under the surface at all times. Every normal thing is not normal because she is not with us. It will take a long, long time to unwind from the daily routine that defined our family. I'm not even sure I want to. I want everything to be the way it was...still.
As in, I trust God.
Monday, September 6, 2010
A gift.
The last 48 hours are a blur. We're home now, but without a piece of our family and a big piece of our heart. Our Ava went to be with Jesus. 10 weeks to the day of her diagnosis of GBM she was taken from here to heaven.
We were given something that most families don't have when they lose a loved one. Time. We spent the last 10 weeks with renewed intentionality and focus that gave Ava every bit of the picture we wanted her to have. We loved on her, played with her, took extra time with her and cared for her in a way that let us see her go, knowing that she knew how special God made her. The gift He gave us for 5 years is one that will never be taken away. With the end of her earthly life came the realization that I would do it all over again for those 5 years even if I knew the outcome.
Our Ava touched more lives for Jesus than most will. Her short time here was a gift. A gift to Lisa and me, her brother, and everyone who knew her or read about her through my written words. She was truly God's child while here and is truly God's child as she watches me write this through the tears only a father could shed. She marked me. She changed my heart. She made me more the man Jesus created me to be. I am thankful for her and to her.
I love Ava more than I can say. She was a gift, but she was not mine. She was God's while she was here and she is God's now. Her short life on earth is one I will carry with me until I see her again. I miss her so much already. The pain may fade, but her impact will only grow with time. I don't understand why, but I do understand God is bigger than I am and He knows.
Lisa and I are heartbroken and hurting, but we live with the absolute peace that she is in perfect peace. I wanted you all to hear it from me.
I love her and I always will. My girl is loving life with all of us in heaven.
Pray for us in the days ahead. Let that be your gift to us.
We were given something that most families don't have when they lose a loved one. Time. We spent the last 10 weeks with renewed intentionality and focus that gave Ava every bit of the picture we wanted her to have. We loved on her, played with her, took extra time with her and cared for her in a way that let us see her go, knowing that she knew how special God made her. The gift He gave us for 5 years is one that will never be taken away. With the end of her earthly life came the realization that I would do it all over again for those 5 years even if I knew the outcome.
Our Ava touched more lives for Jesus than most will. Her short time here was a gift. A gift to Lisa and me, her brother, and everyone who knew her or read about her through my written words. She was truly God's child while here and is truly God's child as she watches me write this through the tears only a father could shed. She marked me. She changed my heart. She made me more the man Jesus created me to be. I am thankful for her and to her.
I love Ava more than I can say. She was a gift, but she was not mine. She was God's while she was here and she is God's now. Her short life on earth is one I will carry with me until I see her again. I miss her so much already. The pain may fade, but her impact will only grow with time. I don't understand why, but I do understand God is bigger than I am and He knows.
Lisa and I are heartbroken and hurting, but we live with the absolute peace that she is in perfect peace. I wanted you all to hear it from me.
I love her and I always will. My girl is loving life with all of us in heaven.
Pray for us in the days ahead. Let that be your gift to us.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Takin' a break...
I am taking a public blog break for a bit. All is fine today and we appreciate your prayers. Keep praying for us as we navigate the days ahead. So thankful that all of you are with us on this journey. I'll post more stuff at a later date when we know more. Thank you for praying for us!
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