How's that for a stirring title? If you've made it this far without clicking off the page to go check the scores from today (or more likely flipped to the lifetime channel and shut your laptop given my demographic of likely readers) then you are truly dedicated to reading this post. For that, I applaud you.
I spent a good bit of time just cleaning stuff today. I learned a few things. The first is that I have about 100 socks that do not have a mate. The second is that every bit of our home is a reminder of Ava's life. I was in and out of tears and laughs most of the day today. It's been 3 weeks and it feels like it was yesterday or like it was 100 years ago. It depends on the minute of the day.
I just plain miss Ava. Life is moving on and things are getting more "normal", but I don't much care for the new normal yet. It's just feels like we are missing a piece. It feel like we are in a car that lost a tire. The car moves forward, but you can't control where it's going too well and it leaves a heck of a scar on the road as it travels.
I am working on it. So are Lisa and Noah. We talk about her all the time.
Thanks for your continued prayers. We know we are blessed. Just pray we'll walk through this valley well and faithfully. Ava's life will be remembered by the faithful legacy we live and leave. That's a big weight to carry, but I wouldn't want it any other way.
That's what you can learn by cleaning the house. Now you have a reason to tell your spouse that it's too hard and you'd rather watch football or Twilight (whichever example better fits your fancy).
G'night all.
Goodnight, Josh. I loved your post.....didn't close my laptop, turn off Lifetime or anything LOL. I appreciate your honesty and can't even begin to fathom how much your heart aches for Ava. I continue to pray for you, Lisa, and Noah. Sleep well.
ReplyDeleteI have no interest in Lifetime...well, at least tonight!
ReplyDeleteI'm continuing to pray for your family, and while my family is going through a small rough patch it reminds me to pray for you more and more! That's my silver lining...
Josh, We sometimes wonder what to say. Steve and I lay in bed last night talking about Summit and you and Lisa. We are blessed by your honesty but also feel your pain. We want you to know that our tears fall regularly and that it is sometimes hard for us to read your blog or think of the pain that you must feel. The thing that gets us through is it must be for all of you also is that God our sweet father is sovereign. He knows all even when we do not. 3 weeks does not a lifetime make. But we know that a garment of clothing held close or a cuddle of an animal that she loved will get you through this moment. We love you all. The Johsnon's
ReplyDeleteJosh, Lisa and Noah: You are still in our thoughts and prayers. The five years that you had little Angel Ava were years that were filled with immense love, fun, learning, and everything you had with her. Just think of how somewhat empty those years would have been without ever having her. Ava's testimate to Christ's love, care and concern for other's has taught all to value life and live it more for Him. I cannot tell you how many times I have used her situation, and your's, as an opening to witness to other's about the love of God. Five short years were worth a lifetime! We Love You All, Joye and Angie Wise
ReplyDeleteDear Josh, Lisa, and Noah, I hope you all have sweet dreams of Ava tonight. May God continue to guide your paths through the days and weeks ahead. I'm sure Ava's essence will continue in your house for years to come. It will surely bring you joy amidst the pain. I continue to keep you in my prayers. Sleep well tonight. Love from a Northlander who cares.
ReplyDeletestill praying and thinking of you and Ava often... Leah Warren
ReplyDeleteWe keep praying for you all! Maybe thru all this you will find Ava is closer than ever before...that's my prayer anyway. FYI, I have the match to all those socks here.
ReplyDeleteWe think & mourn with you guy's everyday. The physical pain one day will be gone....the beautiful memories will last your lifetime:) God Bless..The Murray's
ReplyDeleteYou're a hoot! The Jets/Dolphins game dominates our TV right now and I'd rather be reading your blog than watching that...even if it was only about cleaning your house!
ReplyDeleteI can't stomach the loss you must feel but the peace of knowing Ava is with Jesus surpasses the grief. It's evident in your writing. You have such a gift and I so appreciate this blog. It provides me with many thinking moments.
Always praying...always believing...
Won't stop praying, Josh. Love y'all.
ReplyDeleteAllie
Your post made me chuckle. I lost my best friend while in high school. It was a bit of a joke that every time his mom came home he had to pick up his 'sock' - even if we did a quick look around before she came in, she always located one. For whatever reason, one of his socks always got left behind when he took them off or put them away. Anyway, I remember the pain in his mom's eyes when she told me at his graveside, she'd give anything to find his 'sock' on the floor when she got home . . . I learned at that moment to do my best to feel the blessings in even the smallest and sometimes 'annoying' behaviors of those I love. A few years later I was shopping when his mom came up and put her hand on my shoulder - I was buying socks! Without a word we broke out in laughter, and enjoyed our silent joke with a love that ran deep. Another lesson for me as I saw she had moved from the pain of that memory to the joy. Blessed are they who mourn . . . much love from your readers!
ReplyDeleteHey Josh and Lisa-
ReplyDeletetoday at Northland, your dad shared some more about your precious daughter, Ava...what a proud papa he is! His sermon was amazing...the most exciting part was that so many people came to know Christ...I thought about it all day...and have to believe that many lives have been changed for His glory as the result of you and your families witness. I truly believe that what Satan meant for pure evil God is turning it for His Glory and Honor!
Please know that Daniel and I pray for you regularly and if you guys need a friend-we are always here for you both...may God's peace which surpasses all of our understanding guard your heart and mind IN Christ Jesus. Your a blessing to so many...thank you!
Daniel and Jamie Parke
I continue to pray for you and your family as you struggle to find a new "normal" that is close to Ava in spirit without her physical presence. Please know that many people are loving and praying you and your family through this valley.
ReplyDeleteJosh,I have to tell you that you have the same talent as your father. As my pastor of 14 years he has made me laugh one minute and make me cry the next.. You have the saame ability! You have to be the most candid person I have ever known in my life. First let me say good luck on finding the mates to your socks! If indeed you have 100 may I suggest throw them out and buy new ones! But on a more serious note, I hope and pray you find your new normal and be comfortable there, Lisa and Noah too! 5 years is a long but short time to love and nurture a child. That will not change over night. But I am very confident that God will show you the way to keep your angel close to you all now and always! I pray days get easier and easier. Still loving and praying for you daily. Cindy Miller
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ReplyDeleteHi Josh and Lisa love you and am praying for you. There is no way I can feel or share your daily pain.
ReplyDeleteAfter my Mom died I would just go and sit in church, no connection what soever with God but one day my mothers spirit just entered me and I felt like she never left me after that.
i am just writing to let you know I share your pain but also to encourage you that the God we trust brings healing and we keep living again.
I read your blog daily but this one really struck a cord with me. It will be a year next month that we said goodbye to our baby Nathan. There are days where it feels like it just happened and days that it feels so long ago. Tonight as I washed baby clothes in preparation for the baby that will be here in just a few short weeks, I am feeling that rush of emotions all over again. The new "normal" is ever changing and adapting, but God is faithful through it all. Your family is in my thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDeleteK.Russell
As a Northlander who has come to love your family, I share your pain and grief as a sister in Christ. Ava's absence is heartbreaking and your sorrow is raw, but your family's absolute reliance on Christ and His love and plans for us lift us all daily!
ReplyDeletePlease know that we are here for you, Lisa, and Noah in any way that you need--- just ask! Sending peace, love and prayers to y'all tonight and beyond.
Will never stop praying for you or your family. You are leaving a legacy that Ava will be proud of!!
ReplyDeleteJosh, Lisa & Noah,
ReplyDeleteThere is not a day that goes by that I don't pray for you all. Josh I so admire how you have been so open with your prayer requests, anger, love, faith, joy, heartbreak, tears, laughter etc. You have been so awesome to write exactly what you are feeling and in doing that you have been such an inspiration to so many. Your precious Ava touched so many peoples lives and your blog allowed us to be a part of this journey. You have no idea how many people are forever changed for the better because of your Ava and your family's willingness to share
your thoughts & feelings with us. I hope the days get easier to adjust to your new normal and and the pain of missing her is filled with the wonderful memories of how special she is and how many people have come to Christ because of her. Love & Blessings, Darden
I hate having unmatched socks... especially when you don't realize it until you really want to wear "that one pair..." and then you're stuck with just the one. =/
ReplyDelete*hugs* to you, Lisa, and Noah tonight.
I can't even force myself to try to imagine how awful it must be to lose a child!! You all are doing well and bad times are the usual sometimes in the new normal! I am praying for you all so much and for all Hunters and Gables!!! God bless you as you heal!! Thanks for sharing it with us! ((hugs))
ReplyDeleteJosh, Lisa & Noah-
ReplyDeleteStill reading your blog daily, no matter what it's about. I feel your pain but only in a way someone on the outside can feel it. My heart breaks for all of you and I pray that God is holding you all up every single day. Thanks for continuing to share your struggles with us, AND make us laugh in the midst of it all. You are a very special family.
How many drawers of socks must you have to have 100 pairs that don't match, that's what I want to know. :)
Hold on tight, He is there.
Jody
Josh... I feel honored that you allow us to be dedicated readers. Continuing to pray for you and your family in the days ahead.
ReplyDeleteKatie
We could NEVER be tired of your blogs!! You have a gift! I would rather tune in to see how things are going with you, Lisa & Noah than ANY TV show (and I like to watch football). I do admit that I wait until I am "ready" to feel the emotions that I know I will be feeling...I can't read your words without crying. I never know what the next "turn in the road" may take us, as we travel somewhat with you, as most of us have never experienced anything that you and Lisa are going thru. We can only know by the words that you share so generously. There is absolutely no way that anyone could leave this site and not be completely inspired...or for anyone to be able to hold onto their hearts selfishly. We love you all and pray for you daily. We are holding your hand, as you hold on to The Lord's.
ReplyDeleteHi - this is Rechelle - Angel Feltman's daughter. I have been on a prayer journey regarding Ava and your family ever since I heard of her cancer. I wanted to say, that of course, I still pray for you and even told Angel that if you and your wife needed a listening and understanding ear, I am here for you both. I did lose my eldest daughter, Sarah in 2002, so I am all too familiar with a good measure of what you are going through. The saddest part is that when I lost her, I did not have the Lord to lean on as you do - what a blessing it is to have Him!!! You described your ordeal and pain as a car missing a tire, which I thought was very appropriate. The rest of your life without Ava will be more like losing a limb - your LEARN to function without it, but things are actually quite the same. In addition, this first year after her going to be with Jesus will be the most difficult of all the years to come. All I know is that she is up there with Christ with my very own Sarah and I know I will see my daughter again (having been radically saved), and yes, even now, eight years later it still hurts, but Jesus and my two new little girls keep me going.
ReplyDeleteMay the Lord bless you and keep you.
One day my eyes will need repair; Hunter Vision will be my first stop. I need to check your website to see if you treat/consult children. I find joy in your stories. Hope your family finds joy and adventure again.
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