10.10.10.
No way around it. I am missing Ava today like crazy. I've darn near cried all day. Not sure what it is about today. I have been pretty good all week. I see her everywhere today. She was with us at church, in Whole Foods (as is our family, after church custom), playing outside, and even hiding in the closet trying on all of Lisa's shoes while I get cleaned up. I can't get it out of my head. Not that I want to, but for whatever reason, today is exceptional.
I miss her more than I ever thought possible. I talk to her all the time. I can't wait to see her again. I just don't like being without her. It's hard to remember on days like today that this life is short compared to eternity. I mostly just wonder what exactly she is up to. I look so forward to the day that I find out.
Keep praying for us. This road is bumpy and sucky. We're working on figuring out how to navigate it. We just really wish we weren't on it. So glad Ava doesn't have to be...
Praying for you Josh! That sweet little angel girl is looking down at you smiling and saying "Love you Daddy! Life is good!" You WILL see her again one of these days but you've got a life to live now, here on earth. You're not done helping the rest of US yet!! :-) Thanks for all you do. Please know our thoughts and hearts are with you!
ReplyDeleteAlthough I don't know you personally, I continue to pray for you and your family every day. In living through my own experience of acute grief, it was hard to comprehend that the larger world kept turning while I felt stunned by the death of my loved one and knew my life would have a hole in it for as long as I lived. Please remember there are people you don't even know who think of you daily and share your pain and lift you up in prayer.
ReplyDeleteHey Josh,
ReplyDeleteReading your posts are so hard because there is really nothing anyone can say to make it better. Last week when you posted about how hard Sundays are for your family... I wanted to write about how much we miss Ava too, but it felt so silly compared to the grief that you are enduring...
After crying and crying at Ava's Memorial service I headed back to Summit to get ready for BCL rehearsal, but it didn't feel like it mattered. I couldn't get it out of my head that she wasn't going to be there.... your family wasn't going to be there... every little girl I saw made me burst into tears. I didn't know how to look at those little faces without seeing her... I can't imagine how much more difficult it is for you and your family.
I just want you to know that we miss her. We were so excited that she was going to be coming to foothills... we were loosing Noah, but we were getting Ava! There is a hole at Base Camp... we feel it too.
For Heaven's Sake was last week and we had the chance to talk about the gospel and all the kids wrote down questions for us about God. Some of the questions were silly (at least to "grown ups"), others were really profound, but one was too real... "Why do people have to die?"
Even if there is a perfect answer for that question... I don't know that it makes it hurt any less... all that to say we love you and your family and that sundays aren't the same for us either.
still praying,
Darling
Thinking of you all often. Praying for you also. Jenn & Family
ReplyDeletePraying for you all...
ReplyDeleteDear Josh,
ReplyDeleteI so appreciate your authenticity...I can't imagine how deep the pain is for all of you and I am sure that weekends are the absolute hardest.
We lift up your family daily in prayer and know that in time it will get a little easier, but that hole in your heart won't go away until you get to see Ava again.
Praying for you all that you can feel some peace tonight...some blessed peace.
Hugs to all of you,
Cindie
Oh I wish I could make it better. Some days will just be hard. Remember, blessed are those that mourn for they shall be comforted. You were, are and will be blessed.
ReplyDeleteGod Bless always!
Josh-
ReplyDeleteContinuing to pray for the Hunter family. Ride that tandum bike with Jesus in the driver seat. He'll take you up hills, down hills, around sharp turns and into narrow paths BUT YOU CAN TRUST HIM. Keep peddling and hold on tight.
What you are experiencing is normal. Be gracious to yourself and let yourself mourn.
In Christ's love-
Jody
Josh, the road will not always be easy to travel. I have days that I miss my sister so much and she's been gone for over 30 years, but I wouldn't wish her back to this wicked world for anything. She's where she is supposed to be. God doesn't make mistakes. You are trying too hard, I feel, to try and make the healing process faster. Not that you want to forget Ava, because that will never happen, you just want to jump ahead a few years so that time will have healed some of your wounds. But she will always be with you for as long as you are on this earth, and one day, she will meet you at those gates and take your hand and lead you to our Lord and Savior. I look so forward to seeing ALL of my loved ones that have gone on before me. Ava was a mighty warrior here on earth, and her life and death touched so many. Some time I sit at work and I have to pull up your blog to look at her picture because I just don't ever want to forget her. I know that sounds strange especially since I never met her, but she touched my heart so much. I can see why you want to be with her, but just remember "TIME". God never puts more on us than we can handle. It's His promise. Ava was sent here for a purpose, and once she served that purpose God took her home. I hope that one day my husband and I will be able to meet with you and Lisa and Noah, just to share what God has done for me. I have lost almost all of my family to cancer, but they served the Lord with everything that was in them before God took them home. Cancer did not get the best of them, God won the battle. Sometimes our healing doesn't always happen the way we want it to, but you know that. Our prayers are always with you, Lisa, Noah, and the entire Hunter family. Trust me Josh, you will get through this time. Don't let the devil win or even think he's winning. Ava won her battle and she was only 5. God used her to touch a lot of people, and you don't know what her future would have held. My sister left one day 7/4/71 to go swimming, and never came back. She drowned, and I never go to say good-bye, I love you. I never got to say anything because I just knew that she would be back. But God decided she had done all that she was supposed to do on this earth, so He took her. I missed her so much right after she left us, but eventually I just made up my mind that I will do whatever I have to do to see her again. And you know what all I have to do is love and trust God, serve Him daily, and I know that one day I'll see her again. My sister was 15 years old, but it doesn't really matter how old they are you are still going to miss them just the same. But now Ava is up there singing the poop song with my sister, and having a blast. One day at a time Josh. We pray for you daily. We love you all, Scott and Kathy Chall
ReplyDeleteJosh,
ReplyDeleteMy heart hurts for you and I pray for your family constantly. I am so sorry today has been hard and I can't even imagine what you are going through. Ava and your family has brought me closer to God and makes me appreciate life in a much different way. Thank you so much for that blessing.
I am sharing my experience in hopes that maybe it could help in some little way. In losing my Mom, there is only one thing that gets me through the tough days. And that is that I know she is watching me from heaven and the one thing I am certain of is that she doesn't want me to be sad. Sometimes that is so hard because I miss her so much. My Mom used to say, "pull your boots up" when things got tough in life and that is what I hear when I get sad. I find the strength to continue on knowing I am doing it for my Mom.
We don't know specifically what Ava is up to (but I am sure it is absolutely awesome) but I am certain that she doesn't want you to be sad. She is in heaven watching down and wants you and Lisa and Noah to be strong until you see her again. Not sure what she would say to you when you are sad if you could hear her, but I am certain you do.
My Prayers continue for you and your family!
My heart breaks for you guys. I read somewhere in the Bible (I can't remember exactly where, I'm sorry) that God bottles up your every tear. He sees you crying, He knows your heart ache, and He loves you so much, as do so many. I don't have any advice or tips on how to make things better. Things are sucky, no doubt about it. But like others have said, Ava doesn't want her daddy to be sad. Try and keep doing things you enjoy, even if you don't feel like it.
ReplyDeleteHave a blessed week, Josh. Prayers for you will be a constant in my week.
~Angela
Josh... I hate it that you are having such a bad day....But, Scott and Kathy Chall couldn't have said anything more or any better. Still thinking of ALL you all the time and still praying for you ALL through the day. I pray also tonight you get some good rest and peace only Our Great God can give...
ReplyDeleteCindy Miller
Oh dear - times like this are so very hard and there is nothing we can say to make them go away, or get better. Tonight, like every night my little boy, who is that same age as Ava, said his prayers and in his husky little voice said, "God, please help Ava's family not to be sad" . He says it every night, so matter of factly, that i know God has to be listening and will answer in his own time.
ReplyDeletePraying for you, Josh, and your family. -M
ReplyDeleteJosh, Lisa and Noah,
ReplyDeleteI,like many others keep you in my prayers daily.
My heart aches for all of you as I read your blog today. A few have posted that Ava doesn't want you to be sad. YOU don't want to be sad, neither do all of us that pray for you. However, you are sad. It can't be helped and God and Ava understand. What I see in your writing is you have days where you feel better and days like today that are sucky. Such is the nature of grief and loss.
Prayers continue.
Dear Josh, the pain of loss sometimes feels like someone is taking your breath away. Praying that tonight God breathes peace into your heart and gives you a night of restorative rest. May you, Lisa, Noah and the entire Hunter family feel the immense love that thousands have for you. We cry with all of you.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry. I can't bring myself to imagine the hurt you're feeling. I thought about you guys a lot tonight as I met with a mom whose son beat neuroblastoma a few years ago. She's taking over my bib for the marathon I was planning to run for St. Jude in December and we're going to partner to raise $$/toys for St. Jude and her son's charity, Toys From Tyler, Inc. No doubt, I will find a way to honor Ava's memory in our fundraising efforts. God has His hand in all that we're doing.
ReplyDeleteI hope the week ahead is easier on your emotions than today proved to be. You guys are so strong and inspirational through your grief. I am always praying for your whole family, especially you, Lisa and Noah (Noah is especially close to my heart since I've walked in his shoes as the sibling who lost a sister).
Always praying...always believing...
I think Jesus cries with you...our family is praying for your precious family.
ReplyDeleteHaven't stopped praying...love you all.
ReplyDeleteI woke up and prayed for your family in the night, before I even read this post! Blessings for today. Warmly, Carol
ReplyDeleteDEAR JOSH:
ReplyDeleteEMBRACE THOSE MOMENTS...THAT'S WHEN SHE'S CLOSEST TO YOU. GOD LOVES THE TEARS, SO LET THEM FLOW FREELY AND AT WILL. SUNDAY'S WILL ALWAYS BE A HARD DAY AS THAT IS WHEN SHE LEFT THIS EARTH, BUT TRY TO FIND JOY IN THAT SUNDAY IS WHEN HER SOUL FLEW TO THE LORD. I KNOW HOW HARD IT IS AS I AM ON THE GRIEF JOURNEY TOO AND AM CONVINCED IT WILL BE WITH ME THE REST OF MY LIFE. THAT'S OK....IT SHOWED HOW MUCH WE LOVED AND WERE LOVED BACK. BLESSINGS TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY. WISHING YOU ALL GOD FILLED DAYS OF PEACE.
I remembered and prayed for your family Sunday afternoon. I thought about Ava and wondered what her voice sounds like singing loud and uninhibited in Heaven. You may have to wait years to hear that sound, but when you do it'll still be new and exciting to Ava. You'll share in the newness of heaven with her, experience new things with her, go exploring, have adventures, maybe even hunt who knows. I know this doesn't change your reality and I'm praying for you and your wife and son.
ReplyDeleteDear Josh, Lisa and Noah...
ReplyDeleteI wish I could take your pain away! It is so unfair. Hang on to Jesus, cry out to him...I think it is ok to tell him you are mad, you miss your child and it does not seem fair! He knows you know that in the end AVA is great and his plan is best, but right now you don't see the whole plan and this double sucks.
Dear Josh, Lisa, Noah and family,
ReplyDeleteHold on, fight the good fight. Because the pain you're feeling, can't compare to the joy that's coming. Allow Ava to shine her light and embrace her memory!! Praying for joy and healing one day at a time.
I believe this was her way of reaching out to you, reminding you how much she loves you. Be strong and remember each day you live here is a day closer to seeing your Ava again.
ReplyDelete