Every morning I sit here. I try to pray, blog, read, work... 1/2 of me wants desperately to use this time for productivity, the other half of me wants to have this time to do absolutely nothing because no one can require anything of me this early. It's a battle I get dragged into every morning no matter how much or little I actually have to do. It seems to me that 1/2 of me is always in the dark trying to peek out to the light where all of me is supposed to be. I am reminded of it every morning as I try to make my mind and body do what God wants from it. The quiet exaggerates my awareness of it...though it's always there. My hope is that I will eventually win the battle of discipline and that all of me will be on task every minute of every day. But, for now I am wrestling with half of me. Don't know...just know I wish I didn't spend so much time wrestling myself...Maybe that is winning? Seems counter productive...dang it, see what I mean?
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